So, we produced this song in a mysterious, vibe-y way…but (spoiler alert) this song is not really a feel good tune. (Yay!) It’s sort of a strange ode to Motherhood, but also speaks to love in any form. Anyone who’s ever been in love, remembers the depth of feeling when you become so enraptured with someone…that it’s scary. That person becomes so much a part of you, the thought of ever losing them is simply unbearable. (See I told you it was heavy. :)
I was married 18 years, before I ever became a Mom. Honesty moment: I truly never wanted to have a kid - until I really, really did one day. In retrospect I think part of that was fear. I’m a very sensitive person who loves quite deeply. Without understanding it, I think I subconsciously was terrified of the depth of emotion I would feel for this new person. Once our daughter Evanjalyn was born… I realized I was right. The love, attachment and inter-woveness of the three of us was overwhelming at times.
Reflecting on this years later, the idea for “Afraid” dropped into my head. I didn’t even want to write it, because I didn’t want to acknowledge the emotions - but I also realized this is a fear all humans share. The deep-seeded fear that we might lose what we love the most. So, I worked through the unspeakable thought we all push out of our minds. I decided to lay it out there.
The song’s bridge has an “answer” of sorts in it… as my “bridges” often do.
“And if we voice our fears, we’ll rob them of their power - That’s why I’m singing to you about my darkest hour. For if we’re honest here, it’s something we all share. So take my hand, my friend… we’re gonna lay it out there. I’m gonna lay it out there”.
For me writing this song required me to “lay it out there”. We need to be honest with each other, with our feelings. And on a bad day…when this fear creeps into my heart…I work to be thankful for each day I’ve had with my treasures, my loved ones. And try to not think past the joy of having them today.
I hope “Afraid of the Way” brings you a little bit of human camaraderie and peace.
(Ok, carry on with your day - deep moment is over. Next time I promise I’ll share a funny song! :)
AFRAID LYRICS:
I haven’t been OK, since first I spoke your name
And when I saw your eyes - I knew I’d never be the same
My heart re-born in yours a thousand different ways
And now we’re intertwined until the end of days…the end of days
I’m afraid of the way I love you
And I fear how I need you so
In my heart I knew that’s the way it would be
That’s why I waited so long, so long to see… and it was true…
Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all
I’m not convinced that’s true, when you have so far to fall
All I can do with this is pray my fear away
I’ll close my eyes and say, I’m grateful for today…grateful for today
But, I’m afraid of the way I love you
And I fear how I need you so
In my heart I knew that’s the way it would be
That’s why I waited so long, so long to see… and it was true
And if we voice our fears ~ we’ll rob them of their power
That why I’m singing to you about my darkest hour
For if we’re honest here - it’s something we all share
So take my hand my friend… we’re gonna lay it out there
I’m gonna lay it out there
But, I’m afraid of the way I love you
And I fear how I need you so
In my heart I knew that’s the way it would be
That’s why I waited so long, so long to see… and it was true